We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?
For the most part, if it is new and unknown, I’ll try it at least once. Except jumping out of an airplane doesn’t sound like fun and also snake handling….yeah, I’d have to say no to snake handling too.
Major life decisions? Having been married to a person who completely ignored me and the house for a good part of a 15 year marriage, I’ve dumped a lot of men who had too many downsides based on this experience.
Like one guy I went out with for about 2 months. I saw that he didn’t mow his back yard, keep up his house in general…..even his guest bath had some sort of whitish funk coating the faucet and knobs. I don’t think he ever wiped them off. eeeeeeeeeeewwwww!
That being said, I dumped him because if he didn’t take care of his house, a major investment, how in the world is he going to take care of me? Yes, relationships are give and take, he just didn’t have anything to offer me. I could see this being a very one-sided deal…me cleaning the bathroom, mowing the yard, renovating the kitchen (which hadn’t been done since the house was build in the 40’s), rebuilding the deck on the house, etc.
Two months was two months too long.
Then there was a really nice guy who had a house on a lake. Super nice guy with two grown sons. One was off to college, doing his thing. The other was floundering. Going out all night, coming home only when he needed something, usually money. His dad had paid for community college at the bequest of this son and son didn’t bother going to classes. He was failing everything and not staying a job very long. He didn’t even know where his son was spending the night most of the time, while using their house as a place to dump dirty laundry, beer cans, magazines and miscellaneous weights. His 22 yr. old son was a boat with no direction.
For six months, I watched how he didn’t communicate with his progeny. He needed to sit his son down and have a Come-to-Jesus talk. It was almost like the son didn’t even exist.
And I thought, what would happen if he and I had a problem. Would we work it out? Or would he ignore it? So, I didn’t return his phone call one night and that was it. He never called back. He didn’t come by my house (we only lived 5 miles apart) Nothing. It was like I faded away, like his son. It was too easy to leave.
I would have more formally broken up with him if he had even bothered to ask me what was up.
Now I know the right thing to do in these two instances was to confront the situation. But, I am no one’s mommy. I will not ask repeatedly when are you going to mow the yard, clean the bath, etc. And, I was in no position to give man No 2 advice on parenting. For one, that would probably be taken badly and the other, that wouldn’t solve his problem with just letting people go.
I think I’ve avoided a lot of relationships. like icebergs that could have really sunk me emotionally. Currently, in a long term relationship for over two years now. We have our ups and downs like everyone else, but we’re caring for each other as best we can.
That is all you can ask.